Today on the blog, we have an editor’s corner for Funbag Fantasy Sideboob Story 2!
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The sun had gone down several hours ago. By now it was probably closer to rising again. I held the mouse in one hand, a can of Monster Ultra Zero in the other. As I forced my bloodshot eyes to blink, I glanced at the table next to me. At least two dozen empty cans were lying about. How many of those were from today? Five? Ten? Not to mention the giant french press that had been filled with coffee twice. Maybe thrice? No point trying to count, that’s just an excuse to procrastinate. There was a job that needed to be done.
I look back at the bright screen. The incandescent shade of ultra white is burning my retinas. Two parallel columns of text arranged neatly into a spreadsheet stare back at me. I squint at the text, finish the last sip of my Monster, and promptly crack open another one as my eyes scroll unblinkingly through the dialogue. Comma splice, sip, typo, sip, this adjective doesn’t fully describe the enormity of the tits on screen, two sips. Pretty routine day of editing so far. I get to the bottom of the page just as I get to the bottom of the can. I toss it on the pile, crack open another one, and turn to the next page of my spreadsheet.
Looks like it’s time for an ero scene. It’s been three pages since the last one, so I’m clearly overdue. Nowhere to go but forward, and no time like the present. Bit of foreplay, sip, quick blowjob, sip, paizuri, sip, nipple twisting, sip. Everything I would expect. I’m 100 lines into a 500 line page. As I glance down to the next line, I sigh and put down my drink.
Suddenly the heroine of the scene is moaning about how she wants to be milked like a cow. Well, it wasn’t unexpected. This isn’t the first scene to cater to such tastes. And I’m sure it won’t be the last. True to form, the author appears to have gone to great lengths to describe the precise vectors by which the milk jets across the room in all directions as the scene continues. But even as a general oppai enthusiast, I must concede that, as a wise man once said, “This sort of thing ain’t my bag, baby.”
The scene continues. The protagonist is now imbibing the milk directly from the source, nursing like he’s as dependent on it as a hungry infant. I ask myself, “How can one man possibly drink so much of anything in one sitting?” Then I survey my growing stack of empty cans. Touche. I toss another on the stack. Crack, sip.
Half-way down the page. Time for a brief change of pace. Anything on Discord? Nope. Anything in the news? Nope. Anything I can read to justify killing five minutes? Nope. Once more into the breach then. The heroine is still screaming about how she needs all the milk drained from her mammaries. Impressive considering she must have gone through several gallons already. Well, no reason to not continue.
Down to line 400. She’s only screaming louder and spewing milk more violently than before. Clearly her mother was a banshee and her father was a fire hydrant. The end is in sight at least. I should only need one more can to get through this. Crack, sip. I have a moment of clarity. The protagonist has ejaculated at least five or six times already, and the heroine has been careful to swallow every drop. Perhaps she has evolved specifically to hyper-metabolize semen and convert it directly into milk. I’m pretty sure it doesn’t work that way, but this game is full of wizards and daemons, so anything is possible. I shake my head to disperse the mental digression I went off on and refocus my vision on the remaining text.
The scene is finally building to its climax. The room has apparently been repainted white from all the airborne milk. The heroine and the protagonist groan in unison and spray their respective fluids into each other’s mouths with fury and gusto not seen in the previous 480 lines. And with that, the page is completed.
I chug the rest of the can. That should be enough Monster for one night. I flip to the next page. Another ero scene, albeit with a different heroine. And right off the bat she says she’s dying to be milked. Crack, sip…
Now I dont know if I want this one…it feels like the torture of this person will make me feel bad to read this one lol
Still wondering if we’re gonna get the stuff included in the bonus/DLC stuff.
…Now I feel bad for complaining about how long y’all’ve seemingly had this game on the shelf, fully-edited but unreleased, if it turned out it was ’cause you’d been pushed through it. Poor guy.
And not just ’cause I hate Monster energy.
I also hope we get the bonus/DLC stuff, but… feels like a bad time. Do you need help? Or something?
And yeah, while I love this series and don’t mind the lactation as you seem to… the sex scenes really can twitter on a bit.
As someone whose played this game I can say the funniest thing reading this is knowing it actually takes quite a bit of reading into the story until the ero scenes start. Bet the editor was missing that portion at this point XD
Gotta Say, as much as people say this as a joke when they buy these kind of games… but I’m seriously only buying and playing this game franchise and it’s continuation al because of the funny story and nice world building it have, rather than the ero scenes.
In fact, while i never skip any of the normal dialogues in the past 3 game (FF + FFSB + FF2 ) I did actually skip or at least skim through the ero scenes just so i can reach the story and see what happen next faster.
“One book, Precise Vectors by which the Milk Jets Across the Room in All Directions and Me (This Sort of Thing Is My Bag, Baby). By Editor’s Corner.”
“She’s only screaming louder and spewing milk more violently than before. Clearly her mother was a banshee and her father was a fire hydrant.”
If I had a buck for every eroge in the past dozen years where I’ve thought that. Japanese devs need to learn them a *tiny bit of restraint here and there. Unless it’s milking vn, then whatevs.