Today’s Tester’s Corner for Orc Castle is brought to you by Nurio!
When I think orcs, I think ogres. When I think ogres, I think Shrek. When I think Shrek, I think donkeys. When I think donkeys, I think Ponies. So, essentially, what I’m saying is that Orc Castle is pretty much the same as Pony Castle, and I love it for that reason alone.
…And maybe only that reason. Because out of all the nukige I’ve tested, this one meshed with me the least. And that’s not because it’s a bad nukige or anything, but because it’s all orcs and other such creatures. And for me, I need to be able to identify as someone in the porn to be able to enjoy it. And I’m no orc, or ogre, or mimic, or slime, or any of the other creatures you have in this game. I’m a bear, and a bear alone! (And no, there are sadly no bears in this game.)
So, I can hear all the people asking if this is actually a good game, just like little Johnny asks his mother if he gets socks for Christmas again this year. And the answer is yes, Johnny. Socks last year, socks this year, and socks next year. Socks to be you, Johnny. (And it wool sock for us if this game wasn’t any good…)
…Ahem. Something I always like to see in VNs are small little minigames that change up the pace a bit. To have a bit of a distraction in between pages upon pages of text. It’s what I liked in Koihime Musou, for example. And luckily, Orc Castle has a mini game and it’s pretty fun, if not pretty tough as well.
I can’t really explain what genre the minigame is because I don’t think I’ve ever played something like this before. The gods have told me it’s reminiscent of RTS, which kind of surprised me, because I’m an atheist. And this god was surprisingly kind to me. Anyway, don’t worry, because if I can’t explain what genre this game is, I can explain the whole minigame itself! Yes, the game gives you a (daunting) tutorial but honestly, who reads those? (I do.)
The idea of the game is that you have a castle (Gasp! Plot twist!) and a heroine is trying to invade it. There are 4 heroines (more on that later) and each of them has a different movement pattern. It’s up to you to predict how she will move, lay out traps in your castle in real time, and set up a chain combo where she falls into trap after trap. Time moves in turns, so every few seconds, the heroine takes a step or turns around and one turn has passed. Keep in mind, placing traps costs both MP and time/turns to appear. MP will be restored over time and after every battle.
The higher your chain combo caused by traps, the higher your damage multiplier will be. And how do you do damage? Simple! You just lead the poor little mousey into any of the soldiers you have around the castle. They engage into battle with the heroine and… …die. Yeah, your soldiers aren’t exactly heroes and are all expendable pawns you use to damage the heroine, all the way until she has 0 HP left. When the heroine has 0 HP, the last soldier who battled her will have his way with her if it’s a non-generic non-orc soldier, and after that, she gets sent to the Orc Prince.
Oh, did I mention, you (Yes, you!) are the Orc Prince? You’re the self-absorbed, good-for-nothing Orc Prince of the Orc Kingdom that’s at war with Asgard, a human kingdom. To prove your worth, you’re stationed at the Orc Castle and need to defend it against Asgardian intruders. Wow, maybe I should’ve lead with this piece of info? Well, too bad this isn’t a digital document where I could’ve easily cut and pasted this paragraph higher up… Oh well!
So, the minigame is a bit daunting at first (like my uncle), but when you start to understand the mechanics, it’s really doable (also like my uncle — not that I tried). There’s a bit more to it, like breaking the heroine’s armor with high combos, or making her avoid treasure chests. (The Orc Prince even noted how stupid it is to leave treasure lying around for the heroine to find!) Breaking the heroine’s armor eventually strips her naked and allows for very short scenes where a soldier has his way with her. It’s nice to see the Orc Prince cares enough about his soldiers to share the women with them. Such generosity basically made me choke up with emotions as I watched a thick throbbing orc cock ravage a woman’s pussy.
This nukige has 4 heroines – or cumsluts, as the orcs prefer to call them – which also means you have 4 stages in the minigame. Each stage has a few ‘levels’, though. The heroines represent the typical classes you have in RPGs: You have the Warrior (barbarian), Assassin (thief), Witch (mage) and the Imperial Knight (swordsman). Beyond that, the heroines’ appeal lies mostly in their physical qualities than their personal qualities. Though, if I had to pick a favorite, it’s Hilda. (That’s the girl you see at the very top of this Tester’s Corner.) And she’s my favorite for this one line of hers.
The orc soldier told Hilda to suck his censor circles (which are totally not hiding a throbbing orc cock) harder and gentler at the same time. My first reaction was to stand up, slam my desk, point my finger, and yell “OBJECTION!” in no reference to any particular game series. Much to my surprise, Hilda is a similar stickler for such details, even as she is munching away on that delicious, musky, purple meat rod naughty bits blocker. I’d honestly do the same if I were in her shoes — if she were wearing any.
Anyway, to get back to the other heroines, each of them has three main sex scenes. That means that each stage has 2 special soldiers (aside from the generic orc soldiers) the heroine can, err… ‘fall in love with’ and the Orc Prince always awaits at the end. Throw in an extra end scene and that makes for quite a lot of scenes in the end! Though I hope you’re not superstitious… Let me tell you, I once had to rewrite an entire presentation because my colleague didn’t want to have 13 pages, since that was bad luck according to him. I did the sensible thing and cried and ran away.
But I’m getting off track here! If, at this point, you’re not aware this is a nukige, then don’t worry. The game will make it very obvious when you open it. It throws, a lotta hentai CG your way, smack-dab right on the title screen. It made it troublesome to pretend I’m a clean, innocent, good little boy like my momma wants me to be. …Because my parents and my sister look over my shoulder like insanely curious hawks.
One of these days, they’ll realize I’m a bad boy who reads and corrects orc porn. But not today. Today, they’ll keep thinking my interests lie solely in pure women my age, and not her dog. N-Not that I’m into dogs or anything.
Yeah, I don’t like porn with orcs on human women… I’ll be honest about that. But that doesn’t make this a bad game. Honestly, the art looks good, and character designs are nice too, although a bit too big-breasted for my tastes. There’s actually a surprising amount of attention to detail too, with the sprites in the minigame changing depending on how damaged the heroine is. The music is okay, but nothing spectacular. Though, what I really like about the music is that each scene has its own distinct tune. So you won’t hear the same music twice! So, if orcs and the like are your thing, then this title is definitely for you.
…Seriously, there are a lot of orcs in here. In fact, I’m going to the doctor tomorrow and I fear he’ll tell me “Sorry, but you have Orcs” like some sort of infectious disease. …But it was still worth it, because I care a lot about correct English, whether it’s a nukige or not! It’s my life’s mission to correct all the English in the world, like some sort of obnoxious Superman nobody ever wanted.
Honestly, before starting this Tester’s Corner, I was thinking of writing everything in a Shrek accent and having Donkey as my assistant. But in the end, I decided against that, and I wonder how many innocent minds I’ve spared today with that decision. In that regard, I really am some sort of superhero. …And the villain, but let’s forget that minor detail.
And with that… Nurio, out!